18 Comments
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Aaron Nelson's avatar

I do like this! Well done Alejandro. It's been mentioned already: love the threat at the end! I don't think they are that simple a people! :)

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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

Haha thanks! Hope we'll get to see more ;)

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Erica Drayton's avatar

You’ve got a fan in me.

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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

Thanks! Really appreciate how encouraging you all are. ❤️

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Virginia Neely's avatar

Excellent story. I love the simplicity of the prose, and the repetition of the key elements. It's almost like a folk story in its cadence.

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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

Thanks, that's really kind!

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Andrew Smith's avatar

I like it!

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Scoot's avatar

"We are simple people, but we have our ways" going from humble modesty to a subtle threat is INCREDIBLE. Well done! Magnificent story--I've subscribed, can't wait for more!

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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

Thanks! You're all way too kind in the fiction community, for sure.

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Duane Toops's avatar

The looping lines of musical refrain are superb at the end!

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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

❤️❤️❤️

This is my first attempt at discovery writing, zero prior plan. I had a lot of fun.

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Duane Toops's avatar

Really well done! Great job! I know i said it already, but I love the way you used the repetitions at the story's close. I think it helped to convey a sense of ominous foreboding.

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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

Haha yeah that phrase came to me as I was ending the story, and it just sounded so cool to put that at the end, so I knew I had to back and found the place to put it in the beginning to achieve that effect. Glad it worked ;)

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Duane Toops's avatar

I do the same thing with a lot my essays. I find a good hook or a chorus and thev start finding other places to put it. I try and create a structure with it or around.

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Phjyepf's avatar

liked it

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Patricia J.L. 👻🧶🖊️'s avatar

That was brilliant!

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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

❤️❤️❤️

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Nov 5, 2023
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Alejandro Piad Morffis's avatar

❤️❤️❤️

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